Kim Pong Lim teaches leaders to examine conversation as a system — one that either builds clarity and trust or quietly introduces friction and fear.
Lim, a conversational intelligence trainer, coaches leaders to stop treating communication as something that simply happens and start treating it as something to practice daily. Below are five conversation habits leaders can adjust to create more openness, ownership and psychological safety.
1. Notice what you default to under pressure
Most leaders are unaware of how they communicate when stakes rise, Lim said. Some default to efficiency, moving quickly toward conclusions and narrowing discussion to save time. Others default to reassurance, smoothing tension without addressing what’s underneath. These tendencies are rarely conscious, but teams adapt to them quickly.
Lim encourages leaders to begin with observation. Pay attention to moments when conversations feel energized versus constrained. Notice when advisors stop offering ideas, go quiet or defer unnecessarily.
2. Shift from control to curiosity
Control often feels productive in the moment. Curiosity builds capacity over time. Leaders are conditioned to believe they need answers, but thoughtful questions often outperform fast solutions:
Ask “What are you seeing?” before offering direction
Invite perspective before evaluating ideas
Allow silence long enough for deeper thinking to surface
These choices signal respect and unlock information leaders would not otherwise access, Lim said.
3. Demonstrate psychological safety in difficult moments
Lim emphasizes that teams learn whether it’s safe to speak by watching how leaders respond to disagreement, uncertainty or mistakes. Reactions in these moments train behavior far more powerfully than stated values. When a leader interrupts, dismisses a concern or moves past discomfort too quickly, advisors learn to self-censor. But when leaders acknowledge uncertainty, stay present with tension and invite dialogue, advisors learn that honesty is welcome.
4. Listen for meaning
Effective listening involves noticing emotion, intent and what is left unsaid.
Lim teaches leaders to listen for what matters to the other person, such astheir priorities, concerns and sense of identity. When leaders respond at that level, conversations move from surface exchange to genuine connection. This kind of listening reduces misunderstanding and builds trust.
5. Practice conversation as a leadership discipline
Lim encourages leaders to reflect after key interactions:
What opened the conversation?
What shut it down?
What would I repeat next time?
What would I adjust?
These brief reflections sharpen awareness and improve consistency. The payoff shows up in advisor retention, engagement and performance. Advisors who feel heard are more likely to stretch, speak honestly about challenges and take ownership of outcomes, he said.
Influence is built one conversation at a time
Leadership influence is built conversation by conversation, and small adjustments can reshape how teams think, collaborate and commit. As Lim emphasizes, conversation is not a soft skill. It is the medium through which leadership operates.
This article is based on the 2025 MDRT Global Conference session, “Everything is conversation.”
Darin Painter is a freelance writer and editor in Strongsville, Ohio, USA, and owner of the content development business Writing Matters (www.writingmatters.com).
